dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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