If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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