When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
