i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
