never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
