Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
