I just saw a hot homeless man
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
