Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
