It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
