I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
