she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
