Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
