So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dicks are not precious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize