I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
