The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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