i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
