And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
