yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
