You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
