hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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