I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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