Your mouth is God's brothel.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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