He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
