Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
