Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize