So gin and wine won't be happening again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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