im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
