Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize