I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
