It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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