Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
