We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
