Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
