Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
