let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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