he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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