you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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