i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
