if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
