found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize