I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
