IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
