Even the bartender felt bad for me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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