Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize