...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
