so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
