what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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