You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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