hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
