i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
