you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
