you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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