Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
