I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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