fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
