It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How naked do you want me to be?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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