ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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