Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
