We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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