Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
