Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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