Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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