I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
