ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
