You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
