the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
