just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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