If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Randomize
