I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
